Red vs Blue vs Soul
by Freelancer Knight Washington
Summary: Takes place after RvB Revelation. What happens when your favorite machinima gang get sucked up by a mystery vortex and find themselves in between the conflict of two powerful swords? Rated T for language, violence, and suggestive material. Please review
1. What the Bleep!

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

A Red vs. Blue/Soul Calibur Crossover fan-fic

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

(Note - This story takes place after the finale of Revelation so for readers who don't know, this may contain spoilers)

Chapter I – What the Bleep?

(The setting – Valhalla Blue Base….Washington and Tucker are moving in some new supplies into base while Caboose supposedly spots the duo)

Caboose: A little to the left…No-no, make it a right… (Looks at his arms) No wait, which arm is my left again?

Tucker (annoyed; grunts): Damnit Caboose, we don't have time for this! This crate is heavy as hell you know…

Caboose (not listening; looking at his arms): This one is my left? No…Must be this one…No wait…

Tucker (yells): GODDAMNIT CABOOSE!

Washington: Does he always do this often…?

Tucker (sighs): Dude – you have yet to see hell…

Washington: Huh…

(Eventually the crate is set down… in the middle of the floor – due to Caboose's inability to decide thanks to the confusion of his lefts-and-rights)

Washington (slumps into a chair): Finally…That's over with it.

Tucker (does the same): Yeah…I think I was starting to lose feeling in my arms from holding that thing.

Caboose: We did good today…

Tucker: We? WE? Oh no – Wash and I did all the work, YOU just decided to be a pain by not knowing your freakin' left from your right for nearly a hour! A HOUR!

Caboose: Hey – it's a hard thing to remember…

Washington: Will you two just shut up? I just want to take a nap right now…

(Suddenly a loud strange sound – the equivalent of an explosion being sucked by a vacuum is heard from outside)

Tucker (jumps): What the hell?

Caboose: Wow!

Washington: (alert) (quickly grabs a shotgun and loads it)

Tucker: Wash…What was THAT!

Washington: Don't know…I'll go check it out…(rises from his seat)

Caboose: Maybe the Reds were setting off fireworks…

Tucker: You serious, Caboose? That didn't sound anything like fireworks…

Washington: (heads outside armed with both Tucker and Caboose following behind)

(Meanwhile outside near Red Base…)

Grif: Holy crap! Simmons, did you hear that?

Simmons: Yeah I did. Wonder if the Blues set off some fireworks…illegal ones by the sound of it

Sarge (approaches): Grif, Simmons! What in Sam's hill did you two do this time?

Grif: Are you blaming us for something we never did?

Sarge: Course not - I was about to blame YOU for that racket.

Grif (grumbles): You're such an ass...

Simmons: Look, can we not argue for one minute and maybe see where that...whatever it was came from?

Sarge and Grif (look at each other then look back at Simmons)

Grif (shrugs): Why not? Beats doing any chores around here...

Sarge (annoyed): I heard that!

Grif (rolls eyes under helmet): Whatever... You're not charge of me anymore you know...

(At that, the whole Red Team departs to the location of the sound...)

(Later…the members of Blue Team approach a strange indigo swirling vortex with a purple armored figure standing in front of it)

Washington (surprised; lowers shotgun): What the hell…

Tucker: Doc?

Caboose: Hi Doc.

Doc (looks at the guys); Oh! Hey guys…

Washington: Doc, what are you doing here? (Looks at vortex) and what is THAT?

Doc: Oh? You mean this thing? Don't know really…Just was taking my afternoon walk when I heard a loud sound and suddenly found himself staring in front of this gapping vortex…

(Soon Red Team approaches)

Sarge: What are you Blues up to this time? (Sees Doc) You again?

Simmons (comes up): Hey Doc.

Doc: Hey Simmons.

Grif: (looks at vortex): So…What do we got to deal with this time…?

Washington: Don't know actually…For all we know, this thing could be just about anything…

Sarge: Then that means we need a volunteer to see what it is…I volunteer Grif.

Grif: What? Hell no! If anyone is volunteering to go through that, it should be Caboose!

Caboose: Yeah! I'm a volunteer!

Washington: No…That's not how it's going to work. (Steps to the vortex) I'll go in.

Tucker: You serious?

Caboose: Good luck, Washington.

Doc: In case if that thing leads to a nice little gift shop, do you think you could get maybe a souvenir when you come back…alive?

Simmons: Make that a double for me.

Grif: Better him than me…

Sarge: Shut up Grif. (To Washington) You are one brave trooper, even though you did try to kill us before...and trashed our base in the process.

Washington: Uh…Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment… (Takes a step towards the vortex and slightly sticks an arm in before pulling it back) (Once it seemed fine, Washington processed to walk closer to the vortex)

(Suddenly a bright light flashes before Washington's eyes and soon he feels as though his body is moving in the air at jet-like speed. Within a few seeming minutes of this, the light fades away in Washington's vision to reveal a strange scene – a small European village in flames; its residents fleeing and screaming in terror.)

Washington (startled and confused): What…(Looks down at himself to suddenly see a medieval version of his armor in the colors of his original Freelancer armor along with a flowing gray cape from behind) What the…

(Before Washington could ponder anymore, suddenly a thunderous boom causes him to turn. A few feet away from the former Freelancer stands a massive being with shark-like teeth and a form seemingly made of molten lava upon a burning wooden cart. In one hand the newcomer holds a huge stony axe that glows from the fiery stone it was made from.)

? (Chuckles): Heh-heh-heh…Look like I got a new maggot to squash… (Grasps the giant axe in both hands and chuckles once more)

Washington: What…the…f**?


	2. Medieval on Your Ass

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

Sry about the lack of commentary in the 1st chap, folks. But hopefully this chapter will have the action as you may have carved from the 1st one plus introduces another character in the scene plus the mystery foe of Wash is now revealed ^^ As said, please review this since I want to know what you think about what I got so far

Chapter II – "Medieval on your $$"

(Back in Valhalla…both teams along with pacifist medic wait near the vortex-portal and wonder about Washington's long disappearance)

Tucker: Dude – Wash has been in there for almost half-an-hour…

Doc: I hope he's alright…wherever he is.

Sarge: Ah – he's just fine. He's a Freelancer after all – able to handle the insane of situations...

Grif: Like what we get into on a daily basis?

Sarge: Shut up Grif.

Tucker: That's it – I'm sick of standing here doing nothing. (Walks up to the vortex) I'm going in. Wash was starting to be cool and I'm not messing out on that opinion.

Caboose: Wait up, Tucker! (Follows)

Tucker (turns to Doc): Hey! Doc! You wanna come or not?

Doc: Uh…Well…

Sarge: Listen up you – it's time like this where you need to man up, straighten out your spine, nut up, all that jazz. The point is…Do you want to live forever?

Doc: …Is that an option?

Sarge: Ah, just get outta here already! (Shoves Doc up to the vortex)

Doc: Gaah! (Bumps into Tucker and Caboose)

Tucker: Gah! Doc!

Caboose: Ouchies!

(At that, all three quickly tumble through the portal, leaving the Reds behind)

Grif: …

Sarge: …

Simmons: Well…That was new.

Grif: I'll say.

Sarge: Agreed.

Simmons: So…Think we should go after them?

Sarge: Maybe…

Grif: Hell no – I'm fine where I am.

Sarge: Shut up Grif – Thanks to you, we're now going.

Grif: Wait – WHAT?

Sarge (running to the vortex): We can't let those Blues have all the fun! Geronimo! (Jumps inside)

Grif: Simmons – You're not going too, are you?

Simmons: (running to vortex as well then stops near it) Sorry Grif – but we just can't leave Sarge by himself. And oh by the way…Sarge found your secret stash and torched it the night before.

Grif (pissed): What? That red-neck sonuvab****! (Charges into the vortex) That was good sh** I had and now he's going to pay for it! (Disappears)

Simmons (chuckles to himself): Works like a charm… (Proceeds to enters the vortex)

(Meanwhile…The last two Blue soldiers and purple medic suddenly found themselves in the village square of said village from last chapter.)

Tucker (looking around): What the hell? Where are we? (Looks down to see his altered armor) And what the crap happened to our armor?

Caboose (Looks at own armor): Oh… my… gosh…

Tucker: What is it, Caboose?

Caboose: I think…we…are…superheroes!

Tucker: …What?

Caboose: See? We have capes on our back – superheroes wear capes.

Tucker: We are NOT freakin' superheroes…

Caboose: But we're wearing capes.

Tucker: Yeah but –

Caboose: And superheroes wear capes.

Tucker: Well, some do but that's –

Caboose: So we're superheroes.

Tucker (to himself): Goddamnit Caboose…

Doc: Uh – actually we're not superheroes. We're more like knights in appearance.

Tucker: Knights? As in the dudes who ride on horses, fight dragons and crap, and rescue hot babes in castles?

Doc: Uh…In a way…yeah.

Tucker: Sweet! (To Caboose) Told you we weren't superheroes.

Caboose (saddened): Ah…But I wanted to be called Captain Caboose…

(Suddenly before Doc and Tucker could say anything else, what sounded like an explosion is heard in the background and soon a figure is hurled into the view of the trio)

Tucker: The hell?

Doc: Oh God!

Tucker (Takes a step forward): Wait…Is there…Wash?

Washington (Standing up; to himself): Damn…And I thought Tex could hit hard…

Tucker (yells): Wash! Hey Wash!

Caboose: Hi Washington!

Washington (looks to see): Huh? Tucker, Caboose? Doc?

Tucker: Hey dude! It's great to see -

Washingon (yells): WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU GUYS SO LONG?

Tucker: What? What are you talking about?

Washington (yells): I'm having my ass kicked by some…thing made of lava that keeps calling me a maggot!

Tucker: Ah, that doesn't sound that bad. I mean, what does that guy even look like?

(Suddenly the hulking form of the mystery foe from last chapter stomps into the scene, swinging his axe)

Astaroth (roaring): RAAAHH! (Looks like he's going to charge)

Tucker (sees): Holy sh**! What the hell is that?

Doc (scared beyond belief): I'm think I'm going to faint now… (Falls over)

Caboose: Oh…Doc's taking a nap. (Whispers to Tucker) We should be quiet now.

Astaroth: (Stomps forward; crackling)

Washington (yells): Tucker! Your sword!

Tucker: What?

Washington: Your energy sword! Throw it over to me!

Tucker: I don't know…

Washington: JUST THROW THE DAMN SWORD ALREADY OR I'LL DEAD HERE!

Tucker: Gah! Ok-Ok…Jeez. (Pulls his energy sword and activates it; quickly hurls it to Washington who amazingly catches it)

Washington (readies himself): Ok you rocky b******, let's see how tough you really are when I go medieval on your freakin' ass….

Astaroth: Heh-heh-heh…So you got a REAL weapon now, though a strange one… (Chuckles) Heh – I'm going to enjoy making you squirm in your death even more now… (Roars and charges)

Washington: (charges as well)

(Soon the combatants clash with their weapons; once they break from the blade-lock, Astaroth swings his giant ax at the former Freelancer who performs a front flip to dodge. Washington then uses his time to land a quick punch to the golem's face. Astaroth grunts only once and start swinging once more. In a quick second, both weapons clash once more before their wielders break hold. Washington thrust his sword arm at the hellish golem who sidesteps and pounds the futuristic soldier in the back with his axe-shaft. However the Freelancer quickly recovers and does a roundhouse kick to Astaroth's torso – making the giant stagger a bit.)

Astaroth: (Recovers and growls) You worm! You're going to pay for that! (Charges once more)

Washington: (readies for the fight)

(Suddenly a voice cries from behind the fighters)

? (sound like from a girl): Halt vile beast!

Astaroth (pauses in mid-charge; looks): Huh?

Washington: Hmm (looks)

Tucker and Caboose: (also look)

(Soon they all see the shape of a young woman with a bit of red hair showing dressed in full-plated armor with wolf motif holding a short sword in one hand and a long spear adorned with a flag.)

Astaroth: And who the hell are you?

?: I am Princess Hildegard von Krone, ruler of the kingdom of Wolfkrone and you…(points her sword at Astaroth) shall taste only defeat this day! (Readies for combat)

Astaroth: (Snarls)

Washington (stares): Oh my God…

Tucker: That's…That's…

Caboose: Tex?

Tucker: Only…she's medieval…!

Doc: (murmur something about Dungeons and Dragons in his state)

Astaroth: (looks at Hilde and then Washington; snarls. Suddenly he takes a few steps back before charging away) (to Washington) Another time maggot! And when it comes…You'll be buried in an unmarked grave!

Washington (glares): Hmm… (Deactivates energy sword)

Tucker and Caboose: (approaches Washington)

Doc (wakes up): Huh? What? Is that thing gone now? (Quickly see and heads up with the other guys)

(Soon the princess comes forth to the group; taking her head to reveal her long hair and holding her helmet under her arm)

Hilde (to Washington): I thank you for taking arms for the defense of this village, sir knight. But I must know…who are you and where did you come from?

Washington: Uh…

Tucker: We're from…Uh…

Doc: Um…

Caboose: Spain!

Washington (surprised but goes with it): Uh…Yeah, er…Si.

Hilde: Hmm…So you are in service of Philip I see?

Washington: Uh…sure. That's who we work for. Our boss – King Phil of Spain.

Hilde (looks not sure of it): Hmm… (Suddenly turns away and start walking) Come.

Blue Team: H-Huh?

Hilde: Meet me outside the army campsite so we may continue our talk… (walks away)

Washington: …

Tucker: One word dude…Damn. I don't think I don't need to do a 'bow-chicka-bow-wow' for her…Ah, what the hell…Bow-chicka-bow-wow!

Washington: …Shut up Tucker.

Tucker; Hey, you just sounded like Church for a minute there.

Washington: I said shut up.

Tucker: Ok-Ok…sheesh!

Hope you enjoy that one if you did with the first. Next chap will all about the Reds...except they will not be where the Blues are. Check out the upcoming 2-par saga - "Journey to the West - As Done by the Reds" to learn what I mean! ^^


	3. Journey to the West Done Red I

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

This might be a bit long for all of you but hopefully the length of this chapter doesn't bother with the humor (and slight action) that's inside. Plus - this is all about the Reds now for Pete's sake and who doesn't like Sarge, Simmons, and Grif? ^^

Chapter III – "Journey to the West– As Done by the Reds Part I"

(In a small cherry blossom tree grove outside the then-capital city of Kyoto, a cloaked traveler walks silently; their face concealed by the hood. Suddenly the loud cries of screaming followed by a loud crash alert the traveler)

Traveler: Hmm? (Looks as if to draw a blade from their backside; rushes over to where the sound came from.)

(Meanwhile…the Red Team – now dressed in samurai-esque version of their armor – find themselves piled on top of each other)

Grif (on the bottom): Damnit! Simmons, get your f***in' foot out of my face!

Simmons: I would…If Sarge would get off my spine first.

Sarge: This would have been better if it was Grif under a pile of boulders…huge-ass ones the size of mountains accordingly.

Grif (angry): SHUT UP AND JUST GET UP ALREADY!

Sarge: Wow – someone woke up on the wrong side of the bunker this morning… (Gets off the other Reds)

Grif and Simmons (get up and stretch)

Grif (looks at himself): Ok – first up – what happened to our armor and second…WHY THE HELL AM I SO FAT!

Simmons: Uh…are you already fat?

Grif: No – I'm just chunky. This armor makes me fat.

Sarge: No – he's fat.

Grif: Shut the hell up Sarge.

Sarge: Moving on…Simmons!

Simmons: Yes sir?

Grif: Dude – he's not in charge of us anymore, remember?

Sarge: Shut up Grif. Simmons, I wanna know two things - where we are and why the hell am I dressed like a Chinaman!

Simmons: Actually – that's not Chinese armor, that's more like that wore by the samurai of Japan.

Sarge: Japan? The land of the rising sun? The place where we get all our hit-techno goodies from?

Grif: And where they make tentacle porn…?

Simmons: Uh…Yes and to answer your first question Sarge, we ARE in Japan.

Sarge (looks over): Huh…Thought it would be more…unique having giant fighting robots, cute schoolgirls, and all Japanese cartoon crap all over the place.

Simmons (a bit annoyed): Hey – Japan has made some of the best cartoons like Digimon, Bleach, Naruto, DragonBall and Gundam.

Grif: …I can understand the DragonBall part, but this proves that you're a bigger nerd than I thought.

Simmons: Shut up Grif.

Sarge: Enough pillow talk! Now I wanna know…Where in blazes is my shotgun? (Points to a katana – or samurai sword in scabbard at his sides)

Simmons (looks): Seems like our firearms got replaced with traditional Japanese weapons… (Has kamas at his sides)

Grif: Aw man…All I you guys got the cool weapons and all I got is a chain… (Really has a manriki wrapped around his chest)

Simmons: Uh Grif? That's a manriki…

Sarge: Geshundit.

Simmons: Sir, I didn't sneeze. The name of Grif's chain is manriki.

Sarge: Oh…

Grif: Still sucks.

Sarge: Shut up Grif.

(Before Simmons could explain what the manriki's purpose was, suddenly the hooded traveler mentioned earlier in this chapter appears without warning behind in front of the trio.)

Sarge: What the hell?

Grif: Holy crap!

Simmons: Uh…

Traveler (looking at the Reds; sounds like a woman): Hmm…Who are you…?

Sarge: Who are we? Uh…Well…um…

Simmons (whispers): Simple travelers on our way…

Sarge (working on that): Simple travelers on our way…Yeah, that works! We are simple travelers on our way!

Traveler: … (Sweat-drops a bit)

Grif (whispers): I don't think that caught on too well…

Sarge (whispers back): Shut up Grif or I'll stick this here sword right up your –

Traveler: You look more like ronin….

Sarge (confused): Ron-what?

Simmons (whispers): Sir, ronin were samurai without any masters…

Sarge: 'Kay… (To Traveler) Uh – you caught us! We are those…ronin fellers but we are also travelers!

Traveler: …

Grif (whispers to Grif): Man, how do you know all these sh**…?

Simmons (whispers; sounding a bit annoyed): It's called reading a book…and using Bing.

Grif: Oh…You cheat.

Simmons: Go to hell Grif.

Traveler: If you were travelling to Kyoto as I was…You may come with me if you wish.

Sarge: Er? Really – Er, I mean…Sure! Why not?

Grif: Oh – finally! Maybe we can get something to drink!

Traveler (staring at Reds; in head): Hmm…Truly a strange band of ronin…They appear where I hear that strange noise…Is the very work of the evil sword…or something else? (To Reds) Well then, if you're thirsty, then we better make haste then. (Turns away and starts to walk) I believe I might know a nice inn where they have the best saki – rice wine.

Grif (excited by mention of liquor): Right behind you, lady! (Paces after her)

Sarge (murmurs to self): Suck-up… (Follows)

Simmons (to himself): This is starting to be a very weird day… (Walks after the group)

(However, in a not far-off distance, a mysterious figure with alarge hoop-like blade watches the group from high in a tree branch.)

?: Hmm…(Suddenly smirks and cackles to self)

(Later...Inside the quite busy walk-ways of Kyoto, the Reds and their mystery companion begin to view the sights of the city.)

Simmons: Wow...

Sarge: I'll have to say, the view ain't quite bad ya know. It's just like in those fancy-smancy big city places...

Grif (Eyeing some geisha girls): I'll say...

Simmons: Grif! Don't be such a pervert...

Grif: What? I was admiring their robes...

Simmons: They're called kimonos and you looked more like you were 'admiring' the girls themselves than their outfits...

Grif: Shut up Simmons.

Traveler: (Shows no expression)

Sarge: Grif, Simmons! Put a sock in it you two - I'm trying to enjoy the sights!

(Then, by accident, Sarge bumps into a tall man with a very sketchy face, pointy nose and top-knot.)

Sarge (a bit annoyed): Hey! Watch it punk!

Man: (Pauses and looks angry)

Sarge: Didn't you hear me? Watch where you're goingl!

Grif: Uh...Sarge? I think he's getting pissed at you.

Man: (growls slightly and slowly pulls out a knife)

Simmons: Oh boy.

Man: Raar! (lunges at Sarge with knife aimed for the Red's throat)

Grif: Sarge!

Traveler: (Alert; about to draw weapon)

Sarge: (Looks): Hmm? (Does a perfect side-step to dodge and jabs an elbow into the thug's face)

Thug: Ugh! (Falls back and drops knife)

Traveler: (Pauses)

Sarge (cracks his knuckles): Ya really tried to do that, boy? Let's see if ya can do better that...

Thug: (Snarls and tries to kick)

Sarge: (Takes a step back and dodges) Heh - My granma could do better than that! (Uses one foot to hold the hooligan's leg in place and stomps several times on his face with the other)

Grif, Simmons, and Traveler: (Surprised)

Thug: (K-Oed; falls back with a mouth of broken teeth and a boot-print on his face)

Sarge: Heh...He was a push-over. (To Reds) What are you looking at? Let's keep sight-seeing and maybe get something to drink around here - I'm parched!

Grif, Simmons, and Traveler: ...

Traveler (in head): Such skill...and confidence. And he didn't rely on his sword to win that fight... Who are these warriors truly?


	4. Journey to the West Done Red II

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

The last part of the two-part beginning for the Reds but not the end of it ^^ This time, a full-length fight scene against the mystery figure from last chapter who may seem familiar to you if ya play SCIV. I was asked in a review about where are Donut and Lopez - and I will promise that the two will appear in later chapters (I even have a little thing planned for Donut just for fun) But for now enjoy!

Chapter IV – "Journey to the West – As Done by the Reds Part II"

(Some time later after Sarge's brawl with the thug, the Reds with their mysterious gal pal sit inside a small inn, enjoying a cup of freshly-brewed tea around a small table – although Grif was drinking sake in his cup.)

Simmons (sips tea); Ah…Plain ol' green tea. Simply delicious.

Sarge (sips own tea): Hmm…Tastes kinda funny…like drinking someone's cat.

Simons: (Sweat-drops)

Traveler: (Shows no expression; sips her tea)

Grif (chugging sake): Ah… (Place saki cup on tabletop) That hit the spot well! (Pats his belly)

Simmons: Grif, you have to try this. This Gyokuru ("Jade Dew") is to die for…

Grif: Uh…No thanks. I'm fine without drinking tea that tastes just like my cat… (Yells) Yo Innkeep! Another round of Doburoku (Home-made sake) here!

Simmons: Grif! Show some respect – this guy is nice for letting us stay here for the night!

Grif: Ok-Ok…Next drink will be my last.

Simmons: …Go to hell Grif.

Traveler: Your friend is right… These are hard times for the peasants and you should know that this man has barely any money so you should be thankful that he can afford to give us a drink…

Grif: Hey, who died and made you queen? Or better yet…my mom?

Traveler: … (Suddenly without warning, kicks Grif's chair and causes it to fall over)

Grif (falls to the floor): Gaaah! You b****!

Simmons (to Traveler): Nice one, Uh…Wait, we never quite got your name…

Traveler (sips tea again): It's Taki…Just Taki.

Sarge: Taki? Like in…

Simmons (whispers): No – she's not named after the cooking style in those Chinese restaurants. Her name means "Much Rejoicing".

Sarge: Oh…

Grif: Hey, is someone going to help me up here? I think I can't feel my legs…

Simmons: (Sighs)

(Much later as night begins to fall over Kyoto, the Reds prepare to head to 'Snooze Ville'…or so they try to.)

Sarge (lying on a bed of hay): Hmm… (Tosses and turns) Hmm…Damnit! How can any man sleep like this?

Simmons: I know…It's so uncomfortable.

Grif (fast asleep): Zzzz

Simmons and Sarge: (stare at Grif)

Sarge: I swear…Grif was made to annoy the crap outta me…

Simmons: More like me…

Sarge: Huh. (Lays on his back and stares at ceiling) Hmm…Ah, screw this! (Gets up) If anyone needs me, I'm be trying to get some parts to build me a new shotgun! (Leaves room)

Simmons: Wait, sir!

Sarge: (Is gone so he can't hear)

Simmons (sighs): I better make sure Sarge's ok… (Gets up and quickly follows)

Grif (talking in his sleep): Yeah…that's the stuff~ Good sh**…Heh-heh-heh…

(Outside the inn, Sarge strolls the streets in search of anything open – which seemed unlikely as most of the vendors were closed for the night.)

Sarge (looking around): Damn…Isn't there anyone open 24/7 around here…?

(Suddenly what sounded like a maniacal giggle from a girl echoes from behind the Red soldier)

Sarge (alert): Huh? What in blazes… (Turns around but sees nothing and the sound is gone.)

Sarge: … (Shrugs) Must be hearing things again… (Starts to walk until he hears the giggling again, though it sounds closer than last time) Ok, if this is some kind of joke, I ain't laughing, whoever-you-are! Come out or I'll make you! (Ready to draw out sword)

(Suddenly Sarge hears the giggling once – but this time, it resonates from the rooftops nearby)

Sarge: Hmm? (Looks up to see a slim teenage girl with pigtails dressed a bit like a jester and bearing a large circular blade in her hands. Her seeming red eyes stare down at Sarge and seem to twinkle a bit)

Girl (giggles): Oh goody! Looks like I found a new toy to play with!

Sarge: Who are ya calling toy, little lady? You ain't one to talk since ya dressed for the freakin' circus!

Girl (smirks): You're funny… (Suddenly her eyes lose the twinkle and narrow into hate-filled orbs) For that, I'll cut your tongue out first…

Sarge (confused): Wh-What the hell?

Girl: (Leaps down from the rooftops and begins to twirl her ring-blade) Prepare to die! (Performs a front-flip with blade aimed for Sarge's head)

Sarge: Sh**! (Pulls out katana to block)

Girl: (sneers as the blades collide; does a back-flip and strikes a combat-ready pose) (Suddenly her eyes resume the twinkle from earlier and the malicious childish smirk returns)

Sarge: (Still confused but readies himself)

Simmons (running into the scene): Sarge!

Sarge (turns and sees): Huh? Simmons? Get outta here – it's too dangerous!

Girl (turns to see Simmons; smirks): Yay~! Another toy~! (Suddenly somersaults towards the maroon-colored soldier)

Sarge: Simmons! Watch out!

Simmons (stops in mid-run; sees girl coming at him): The hell? (Pulls outs kamas and charges) I'll handle this!

(Soon the two fighters clash; Simmons slashing away with his sickle-like weapons though the girl avoids them with perfect flips, ducks, and rolls. Soon the villainous damsel begins to unleash a series of attack on Simmons; eventually landing a perfect kick to the gut and following up with a swing of her ring-blade that knocks the soldier to the ground.)

Simmons: Oof! (Fall face-first into the dirt)

Sarge: Hold on Simmons! I'm coming! (Charges into the fray and begins to slash away with sword)

Girl: (dodges; giggling as she does) (Does a flip over Sarge's head)

Simmons (gets up; wipes helmet off and heads over to Sarge's side): Maybe we can take this psycho chick down together…

Sarge (readies sword): Sounds good to me!

Girl (smirk suddenly changes into scorn and eyes narrow): Your souls aren't worth nothing…

Sarge and Simmons: (charge together)

(Once more, blades clashed as the three fought; Sarge and Simmons swinging their blades in either mad or quick arcs while their acrobatic opponent spirals their ring blade to counter-attack. But then without warning, the girl ceases their attack and back-flips onto a rooftop.)

Simmons and Sarge: (Surprised and startled)

Girl (scorn turns to pout): I'm bored now…(Grins) Maybe we can play more next time~! (Giggles and somersaults out of sight)

Sarge: … (Lowers sword)

Simmons (putting away kamas): What…was that all about?

Sarge: I…have no clue at all.

(The next morning, Sarge and Simmons speak to Taki about the events of last night while Grif drinks away a barrel of sake)

Taki (thinking): Hmm…

Simmons: So…do you know anything about that girl?

Sarge: I know one thing – she was N-U-T-S…Nuts!

Taki: I believe I have encountered the likes of her before…she is a twisted servant of the Azure Knight and the evil sword he wields.

Simmons (puzzled): Evil sword…?

Sarge: Azure Knight? Wait, what does azure mean?

Simmons: Uh…Azure is a shade of blue, sir

Sarge: Blue? I know it! Nothing good ever comes from a Blue!

Simmons (sweat-drops a bit; turns to Taki): Do you know where…this 'Azure Knight' is?

Taki (nods): Sadly yes. He hails from lands to the far west.

Simmons: West? You know like Europe?

Grif: Europe? We're going to Amsterdam? Sweet – all the chicks and sh** I can get!

Sarge: We ain't talking about no damn Amsterdam! We're going to stop this Azure Knight b********!

Taki (nods): The Azure Knight is a threat to everything and if he regains his full strength, there will be nothing that can stop him. We must act quickly before that happens.

Simmons: Besides, I don't think this 'Azure Knight' character is going to be in Amsterdam…

Grif: …You guys suck.

Taki, Sarge, and Simmons: Shut up Grif.

Sarge: So, it's decided. Men… (Looks to Taki) and Lady, we're heading westward!

Simmons: I'll get the supplies.

Taki: I may know a way we can get onto a ship…

Grif: And I'll do nothing like usual. (Lays back in his chair and place feet on table top)

Sarge: LIKE HELL YOU ARE! (Knocks Grif over from his seat)

Grif: OW!

Sarge: Heh – That was kinda fun.

Grif (murmurs to self; twitching in pain): Y-You…You southern sounvab****…Ow.


	5. Exchanged Words and Lovestruck Morons

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

Now we're back with the Blues again - this time it's kinda short but in this chap Caboose will experience something he hasn't felt in a LONG time...;) Believe me, you will laugh your ass off once you read.

Chapter V – Of Exchanged Words… and Lovestruck Morons

(Wolfkrone Royal Army base camp – The scene shows ready soldiers training for combat surrounded by bright tents and the wolf-emblem flag of their kingdom fluttering high above the Princess' personal tent. Inside Hilde sits with the Blue Team and Doc)

Hilde: (Sitting in a regal chair with a cup of tea held in hand; takes a slight sip)

Wash, Tucker, Doc, and Caboose: (Also sitting in chairs with cups held in their own hand)

Washington: (Quietly drinks from cup)

Doc: (Looking around; holding cup)

Caboose: (Slurps from his cup)

Tucker (elbows Caboose; whispers): Dude! Be a little nicer – we're standing in front of royalty… (Looking at Hilde) Hot-ass royalty that is.

Washington (listening): Hmm… (Kicks Tucker in the leg)

Tucker: Ow!

Washington: (Slightly smirks under his helmet)

Hilde: Ahem…

Blue Team: (Stops and look at her)

Hilde: Now that I got received your attention once more… (Sips tea again) I must inform that you have been sent in the midst of a terrible crisis.

Doc (sounding nervous): Terrible…crisis?

Washington: Hmm…What kind of crisis?

Hilde: You may think of it as…something from a child's fairy tale but sadly it is actual reality. An unholy presence has risen deep from the abyss and threatens to damn my kingdom…as well as everything in its path.

Caboose: Is it the boogeyman?

Washington: Caboose!

Hilde (seemingly not paying attention to that): This same unearthly thing wishes to devour us all… (Looks sad) It took away my father...And it has a name.

Doc (scared): N-Name…?

Hilde: It is a demonic blade they call…Soul Edge.

Blue Team: (puzzled)

Doc: Uh…Did anyone else feel their spines shiver when they heard that…?

Tucker: Heard what? The name?

Doc: Y-Yeah…

Tucker: Hmm...Maybe mine did shiver a bit...

Caboose: I think my legs are fast asleep.

Everyone else: (stares at Caboose)

Washington: Caboose...That was not necessary to know.

(Suddenly before anyone could say more, an armored soldier quickly enters the tent and kneels before Hilde)

Soldier (panting): M-Milady!

Hilde (alert): Hmm? What is it, soldier?

Soldier: Our scouts have returned with much dreadful news...An army marched forth from Ostrheinsburg - its number by the thousands. And on its way to the first outpost...

Washington: Ostrheinsburg?

Hilde (to Wash): A city that houses the evil sword and its minions...A place for the damned now.

Blue Team: (speechless; look shocked)

Hilde (to Soldier): Alert the outpost's commander and hurry...a battalion of only two-hundred men only have a slight chance against a thousand...or more.

Soldier: (nods)

Doc: (gulps)

(Then, without any warning, another soldier burst into the tent although he looks alarmed and almost terrified to a point)

2nd Soldier: Princess! Come quick!

Hilde (bewildered and confused): Hmm? (Heads outside)

Tucker: Is it that army they talked about earlier...?

Washington: No...That would be too quick...This is something else. C'mon (Heads out)

Tucker, Caboose, and Doc: (Scramble together and follow Wash outside)

(Once the group was together; instantly they eye a starnge new figure heading towards the camp in the distance.)

Doc: Who...What...is that?

Hilde (to 2nd Soldier): Hand me a telescope...

2nd Soldier: Yes milady...(Quickly rushes away and then presents the princess a brass telescope)

Hilde: (Takes it and peers through it) What in...It...It looks like human.

Washington (takes away telescope): Lemme see...(peers through telescope and sees) It's...a girl?

Blue Team: HUH?

(Suddenly the distant figure's appearance becomes more clear as she strolls closer into view; being a strange pale girl dressed in a black-and-red Victorian-esque dress with a bonnet over her silver hair. In her right hand is a large metal shaft with an axe blade on one end and the other an axe upon a lance. However, as the mystery femme draws closer, the group begins to note oddities in her appearance.)

Tucker: Uh...Does someone else see gears in her chest...?

Doc: S-She's...not human...!

Washington: She has to be a machine...a robot by the looks and pretty advanced-looking one by the likes of it.

Caboose: (Staring blankly)

Doc: Caboose...? You ok?

Caboose: ...

Tucker: Hey Caboose. Earth to Caboose...

Caboose: ...

Washington: Ok, this is NOT like Caboose to be -

Caboose: Sheila...?

Hilde (confused): Pardon...?

Tucker: Oh no...

Washington: What? Tucker, do you know something that I should know by now?

Tucker: Aw - It's...kinda of a long...and WEIRD story. Ya see -

Caboose (interrupts; sounding happy): SHEILA! IT'S YOU! Except you have a robot body now but still...SHEILA! YOU CAME BACK FOR ME!

Tucker: Caboose! That's not Sheila!

Caboose: Yes it is.

Tucker: Goddamnit - look at her. If that WAS Sheila, then she were inside some f***in' tank or Pelican or whatever!

Caboose: ...Maybe she got an upgrade.

Tucker: You're hopeless. And you can't love a machine...

Caboose: Sheila is not a machine! She is a very delicate flower...

Soldiers, Doc, and Wash: (Sweat-drop)

Washington: Oh God...I can't believe I'm with team-mates with...a f***ing retarded mechanophiliac...

Tucker (murmurs): Tell me about it...

Doc: Well...This has gotten bizzare. (Pauses) Wait...Where's Hilde?

Blue Team: (Becomes alert to that; looks around quickly)

Washington (sees): Wait - I think I see her. And she's fighting that...whatever-in-hell that thing is! (Points to the princess up ahead already for combat with the automaton girl)

Soldiers: Princess!

Caboose: Don't hurt Sheila!

Washington: We have to stop them - Maybe capture that thing and see what it knows. (Sees a broadsword laying on the ground and takes it in hand) I'll go help out Hilde while you...You just stay out of the way. (Charges towards the fight)

Caboose (yells): Tell Sheila I said 'hi'! And that I love her!

Tucker: ...Caboose.

Caboose: Yeah Tucker?

Tucker: Just...shut up. Shut up for once.

Doc: ...Ouch.


	6. YoHoNo

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

A Red vs. Blue/Soul Calibur Crossover fan-fic

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

I know I was getting up to a climatic part in the previous chapter, but the plan is (or has been) that each chapter will have either the Reds or Blues start in it in some odd adventure before eventually meeting up somewhere in the middle of the story. But don't worry, the next chap will get to Wash and how he handles the catfight ^^

Caboose: Kitties? Where - I wanna pet a kitty! Where are the kitties?

Me (sweat-drops): Uh...Caboose, You and I need to have a talk...a LONG talk. And I don't think Tucker and Wash are in the mood for ya...

Chapter VI – Yo-Ho-No

(The Sea of Japan – On board a small fishing vessel, the Reds and their newfound ally sail westward to begin their quest to slay the dreaded-sounding "Azure Knight". While Taki sits in a meditative state inside the cabin, Sarge, Grif, and Simmons sit outside to see the view…although Simmons is more hanging off the railing, feeling not quite so well…)

Sarge (near the hull of the ship): Aaah…Never like the saltiness of the great blue sea to bulker your spirits… (Turns to Grif and Simmons) Ya know – I never told anyone this, but, my great-great-granddaddy used to be a sailor and pirate – a darn good one too…or least he thought was 'til the authorities arrested 'im for not having a license to swash-buckle apparently. But, more to the point, sea-faring is deep in my blood…which is second to my hatred for Blues. And my hatred for you.

Grif: That…is a lot…of bull.

Sarge: Shut up Grif. You're not a hearty son of the sea...

Simmons (moaning from illness): Oooh…

Grif (to Simmons; confused): What's with you? You're looking kinda…green. Are you sea-sick?

Simmons: No – I'm hanging over the rail to spot any cuddly dolphins swimming by.

Grif: There are dolphins in Japan?

Simmons: No you jack-ass, there's not. And I am sea-sick for your information…Deathly sea-sick. (Groans)

Grif: Sheesh, didn't need to get harsh there.

Sarge: Grif! Go into the cabin and check on Taki – I'll stay out here to see if Simmons starts blowin' chunks…

Simmons (interrupt with a groan): Oooh…Don't say 'blowing chunks'…It only makes it worst… (Groans again)

Sarge (continues unfazed to Grif): Which you will get clean up if any gets on the boat.

Grif: WHAT? That's complete bull!

Sarge: Shut up Grif – Or I'll have you walk the plank.

Grif: There's no plank on this ship…

Sarge: What, no plank? Well…Guess I'll just throw ya overboard then.

Grif: …You are such a dick.

Sarge: Shut up – and get movin'.

Grif: (Grumbles to self and heads towards cabin)

Sarge: Now that's taken of… (Turns to Simmons) Simmons, ya feelin' better yet?

Simmons (groans): That's a negative…(Groans louder) I think a kidney's coming up...

(Meanwhile Grif has entered to check up on the kunochi - female ninja inside the cabin...)

Taki: (Meditating quietly)

Grif (enters): Yo Taki!

Taki (now annoyed): Mmmm...

Grif (looks down): Ah...What the hell are you doing...?

Taki: I'm meditating...Or, at least I was until you walked in with your fat gut...

Grif: First off - Isn't meditating part of that fag thing called yoga? And second...I'M NOT FUCKIN' FAT YOU NINJA WHORE! This armor just makes me look like it!

Taki: (Holds back a sneer but eyes show tints of anger at comment)

Grif: Anyway, Sarge sent me in just to check up on ya.

Taki: I see...How's your friend, Simmons?

Grif: Uh...He's...been better.

Taki: (Stares blankly at Grif)

Grif: Ok-Ok...He's feeling that he's going to hurl. Hell, he's even hanging off the railing 'cause of it - There, you happy?

Taki: Hmm...I pray the kami (Gods/spirits) of the sea will make our voyage to land a quick and safe one. And for your friend's well-being.

Grif: Uh...Yeah. Whatever.

(Before more words could get exchanged by the duo, suddenly the loud voice of Sarge barked from outside...)

Sarge (outside): Grif! Get your darn butt out here this instant! It's an emergency!

Grif (grumbles to self): What the fuck does he want now...(Exits cabin to check outside) What's the deal now...?

Sarge (pointing to the horizon): Take a look!

(Out of deep annoyance and confusion, the orange-armored soldier approaches the front of the ship to see what was the source of the commotion. A few minutes of looking out in the horizon, Grif suddenly eyes another vessel moving towards them)

Grif: What the hell...Is that...another boat?

Simmons (still hanging over the railing): And that would be the correct answer, genius...

Grif: Go to hell Simmons. (To Sarge) Think they could be friendlies?

Sarge: How the hell should I know? I don't have an idea what to do...

Simmons: Maybe if we can get closer, maybe we can find out...

Sarge (somehow ignores): Wait, I got it! Maybe we should get closer to see for ourselves.

Simmons: But...But that was...Oh, never mind.

Grif: That is the dumbest idea I have every heard all day...

Sarge: Shut up Grif! I didn't hear you coming up with anything!

(But even as the duo spoke and somewhat began to agrue, the other ship was already drawing closer to their own with each passing minute.)

Grif & Sarge: (agruing their asses off)

Simmons (notices that the other ship is almost very close to them): Uh...guys?

Grif & Sarge: (Not listening; still bickering)

Simmons: Guys...

(The second vessel is now next to their own ship..._

Simmons (yells): GODDAMNIT! LOOK!

Grif & Sarge: (becomes startled; turn to see the other ship) HOLY CRAP!

Grif (now a bit nervous): Uh...(To Sarge) Say something...

Sarge (also a wee nervous): Uh...Right. (Yells out) Uh...Ahoy there! Is everybody there...?

(No answer comes from the ship...)

Sarge (getting a bit annoyed): Hey, I said 'Ahoy!'

(Still no answer from the other boat...)

Sarge: Damnit - If you ain't goin' to answer, then I'll kick your damn ass to come out here!

(Only silence once more...)

Grif: I'm guessing...that there's no-body on board. (Shrugs) Well, guess we can sail on then...

(But just as Grif turns away to return to his own business, suddenly a series of grappling hooks were hurled from the 2nd craft and attached themselves to the fishing boat's railing.)

Simmons (jumping back): What the hell?

Grif (sees; becomes scared): Uh...Sarge?

Sarge: Whoa boy...

(Soon what followed was then a large band of armed thug-like characters began to board onto the fishing ship; some armed with daos (Chinese sabers) and dadaos (Chinese greatswords)while others had arrow-loaded bows in hand and a few carried kwandaos (Chinese halberds). Before the Reds knew what was going on, they soon find themselves surrounded by the revealed pirates who seem quite steamed over something...*hint-hint*)

Grif (murmurs): They look pissed as hell...

Sarge: Can it Grif! (To pirates) Uh...Listen, 'bout that part of kickin' your asses...It was really just a joke. Eh-eh? Come on, you guys look like ya can take a little joke...

Pirates: (growl; take a step closer)

Simmons (sweat-drops): I don't they can take one...

Sarge: Can't take a joke? Well then... (Draws out his katana and readies himself) Then I guess I'll just cut to the punchline. (To Grif and Simmons) Get it?

Simmons: (Sweat-drops)

Grif: Are you crazy? That was a horribly bad pun that you should never use ever again and second...You want to fight those guys? If you haven't noticed already...We're freakin' outnumbered here!

Simmons (pull out kamas): Wow Grif - I never knew you as such a negative guy.

Grif: I'm not being negative...I'M BEING THE ONLY COMPLETELY SANE ONE AROUND HERE!

(Before anyone could exchange more comments, suddenly a sword-armed pirate charges at Sarge; blade rised to strike. However the Red soldier quickly maneuvers his own weapon to block and lands a quick kick on the villian's gut. The pirate stumbles into two of his fellows and all three soon fall back on the floor.)

Sarge: Who's next?

(Growls answer the Red's taunt and soon more pirates hurled themselves towards the encircled trio. Simmons quickly swung his kamas in fierce arcs; knocking a couple of the crooks to the ground. Sarge follows up with a few slashes along with a few kicks and punches - even sending one pirate flying overboard. However in the midst of chaos, Grif sneaks away to hide behind a barell on the deck.)

Grif (to himself): Better Sarge and Simmons than me...I don't even know how the hell to use my chain-thing! Well...(Pulls out a bottle of sake somehow) At least I got some time to drink...

(But as Grif was about to take a sip, an arrow launched from some unknown assailant zips trhough the air and in a blink of an eye, shatters the held bottle.)

Grif (startled): M-My...My sake...That was my last bottle...(Suddenly fire erupt in his eyes) You...fucking...BASTARDS...! That was my last bottle and you broke it! (Unwraps the manriki from his torso and begins to whip it around) DIE YOU SAKE-HATING ASSWIPES! (Unleashes crazed swings of death upon some poor pirates nearby; knocking a few overboard and knocking out a couple. Soon Grif leapt on the majority of the enemy and revealed somewhat a terrible berserker side that was supposedly cooped up for quite some time.)

Simmons and Sarge: (Watch the carnage unfold blankly though with a bit of surprise)

(After a horrifying minute-and-a-half, the figures of injured...or maybe just plain dead criminals lay all over the deck while Grif pants heavily with his manriki on the floor. Simmons and Srage continued to merely stare.)

Simmons: What...in God's name was that...?

Grif (now calm): Crap...There goes those four years in anger management...

Sarge: Only four?

Grif: Yes - it was four you jackass. I had...temper problems when I was a kid.

Simmons: ...I'm now afraid to ask.

Sarge: Now that's over, let's get back on course! Grif - you get to mop the poop deck.

Grif: WHAT? That's bull!

Sarge: Just shut up and do it...

Grif: (Grumbles to self as he walks off to grab his supplies)


	7. How Not to Break a Catfight

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

Sorry about how uber-long it took, I have been busy with a sh** of stuff ranging from school to job-hunting and many other things. Hopefully this will herald a return of the series as many of you may have been waiting for. Also, as some good news - Season 9 for RvB is offically up so looking forward to that and using as inspiration for future chapters. ^^ Anyway, take a look of this new chap and review!

Chapter IIV – "How Not To Break A Catfight"

(Returning back to the moment outside the Wolfkrone army campsite, former Freelancer Washington rushes toward a engaged duel between the army's leader and a mysterious newcomer; clenching a broadsword in one hand while plotting out his strategy.)

Doc (watching from a distance): Do you guys think Wash is going to be okay…?

Tucker (next to Doc): Huh? Oh sure…He's a Freelancer – a bad$$ soldier. He basically lives for this sh**…

Doc: Really?

Tucker: Nah, I really don't know. He hasn't been around us for some time so who knows…

Doc: …Well, that was a spirit-breaker.

Caboose: You can break a spirit?

Doc: No – not literally…Oh, forget it. You'll never get it anyway…

Caboose: Get what?

Tucker: Caboose – shut up.

Soldier 1: Godspeed to Her Highness…! The metal witch fights like a demon!

Soldier 2: Aye!

Caboose (to the Soldiers): Geshundit!

Tucker: … (smacks his forehead and grumbles some foul language under his breath)

(All the while as the Blues shared words…and language, Hilde strikes fiercely with her flag-adorned lance and short sword although her attacks are merely swatted away by her mysterious opponent's monstrous weapon that even showed barely a hint of emotion. Thrusts from both the princess' lance and swords met a few points on her mysterious rival but this were not enough to make the automaton flinch. These were often countered by blows to Hilde's armor by both iron maiden-shaped axe and halberd head. Within a few short seconds, both combatants break to a short distance to catch their breath – at least of them was…)

? (staring coldly at Hilde): Hmm…

Hilde (panting heavily but keeping her battle pose): Huff-huff-huff…*clenches hard on her teeth and then charges to resume the assault* For the glory of Wolfkrone!

(Once more both women clashed – lance and sword clashing against the alien weapon although the contest soon turned one-sided as the Crown Princess' foe begins to unleash a series of heavy attacks that began to force Hilde to slowly give ground. In the midst the two quickly managed to lock their weapons for a bit to exchange words.)

Hilde: (growls as she uses her short sword and lance to defend)

?: …How pitiful. It seems that you lack any true power…

Hilde (insulted and slightly snarls): Pitiful? Lack true power? How dare you mock the Crown Princess of Wolfkrone, you clockwork witch! (Thrusts hard with her lance arm only for her foe to sidestep the attack and slam the shaft of her weapon onto the princess' back) Gah! (Falls to the ground hard)

? (Looks down emotionless): Hmm…

Hilde: (grunts as she struggles to get back on her feet)

?: (stares for a short minute then rises the axe part of the weapon to deliver a hard blow; soon swings it down)

Blues (minus Caboose): HOLY CRAP!

Caboose: SHEILA! HI SHEILA! DON'T YOU SAY HI BACK TO ME?

Soldiers: PRINCESS!

(As all seemed hopeless for the Germanic warrior-princess, suddenly the sound of a loud clang rang in the air, catching the attention of everyone.)

?: (Still emotionless) Hmm…

Hilde (Startled though more surprised): Wh-What…?

(Preventing the strange axehead from meeting its mark was the flat side of the broadsword held in hand by Washington.)

Washington (grunts but stays his hold steady): Ugh… (Looks to the mystery femme) Geezit…You're one strong girl, I admit that…But now I think it's time this whole lil' fight ends…What do ya say? Call it a truce or stalemate or whatever the hell ya wanna call it?

?: … (Eyes narrow slightly; suddenly slams a heel into Washington's chest)

Washington: Argh! (Stumbles back a bit from the surprise attack) The hell? (Readies himself for a fight)

Hilde: (quickly recovers and stands at the ex-Freelancer's side; also preps for battle)

?: … (Suddenly turns her back on the two and slowly begins to stroll away, shocking both battle-ready fighters)

Hilde: Halt! I said halt!

Washington: Wait – who are you? What are you?

? (Pauses after a few steps) …My name…is Ashlotte. That is all you need to know… (Continues to walk away)

Hilde: Ashlotte…?

Washington (shouts and moves a bit): Wait, hold on!

(However this proved fruitless as now the female automaton was now nearly gone from view, leaving behind two confused warriors.)

Doc: …Was that…a draw?

Tucker: I think so…Maybe.

Caboose (crying) SHEEEEEILAAAA! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME AGAIN?

Tucker: Damnit Caboose! That wasn't and never will be Sheila!

Caboose: How do you know?

Tucker…Doc, was aspirin ever invented in the Medieval Ages? Like right now?


	8. Land, Secret Deals, and Vomit

Red vs. Blue vs. Soul

Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios

Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul

None much to say, except there will be no Star Wars characters in this if you were wondering and also I wanna thank Rocketfist for the idea of having one of Soul Calibur's idonic femme fatales finally make her appearance. Also, as a heads-up, there is a little reference to the Halo Evolution comic called "Headhunters"(For those of you who have either read or seen it on Halo Waypoint, you may instantly realize it). But for now, enjoy and review! ^^

Chapter VIII – "Land, Secret Deals, and Vomit"

(The Port City of Zhangzou – Standing upon the wooden docks, the members of Red Team alongside their new travel companion stretch out of their sea legs and switch them for good ol' land legs…)

Simmons: Aw…Feels good to be back on land.

Sarge: My seafaring blood now weeps from being away from the great blue yonder…Oh well. Guess it's back to hating all Blues…and Grif. Speaking of which…Grif, get your fat $$ out here!

Grif (jumps down from the boat; whooping and cheering): YEEEESSSS! On land at last! No cleaning that piece of crap of a boat! No more f***ing pirates! And I'm not fat you $$hole!

Simmons: … (to Taki standing next to him) He's just excited to be off the boat.

Taki (sweat-dropping a bit): I…can tell. But isn't he overreacting a bit?

Simmons: Yeah he is…(Pauses and looks at Taki) Where have you been all my life…?

Taki (confused): Pardon?

Simmons (suddenly startled): Uh – I said nothing! Right behind you sir! (Rushes off to the city)

Sarge: Wait Simmons! I'm still right here! Where in Sam hill are you headin' up to?

Taki (more confused now): What…was that about?

Grif (walks right up to her): Who knows and who gives a rat's $$? Anyway, I'm getting hungry and since we're in China now, I think I'm in the mood for some Kung Pao chicken… (Heads into the city)

Taki: Kung…Pao?

Sarge (following Grif): Damnit Grif, if ya eat the last eggroll again like last time, I'll kick your $$!

Grif (yells back to Sarge): Up yours!

Taki: … (Shakes her head and sighs; follows after her odd travel companions)

(Some time later, the 'merry' band stroll through a busy bazaar filled with countless vendors and shoppers; while Simmons revels in the culture around him and Taki silently walks along, the antagonistic duo however has something else on their minds…)

Sarge (Looking around at the vendors): See anyone selling egg rolls yet, Grif?

Grif (sees a vendor selling cow tongues and other unique bits; gulps in disgust): Uh…Suddenly I think I'm more for Italian today…Maybe pizza. (Tries not to vomit in his helmet)

Sarge: Grif! Stay focused! There's got to be some egg rolls around here somewhere! I feel it in my gut!

Simmons: Aw c'mon you two, what you're seeing around you is what REAL Oriental cuisine is. Sure it looks…off, but it's actually quite delicious if you just try. See, I'll even do it… (Approaches a vendor and within a few seconds, purchases a rather unique food item…)

Sarge (staring at it; feeling grossed out a bit): What…What is THAT?

Simmons: Oh, this? It's cooked jellyfish with cinnamon. It sounded interested so I couldn't resist.

Grif (Almost ready to hurl): Y-You're…You're not going to…?

(Before Grif could finish his sentence, his maroon-armored partner starts to dine upon the rather strange dish – of course removing his helmet first off but we can't go into details of what he looks like.)

Sarge (wide-eyed under his helmet): …

Simmons (dining): Hmmm…Mmmm…Say, this is pretty good. Kinda tastes like chicken.

Grif: … (Turns around to vomit loudly upon the ground)

Taki: (sees Grif; once more shakes her head and sighs)

Simmons (continuing to eat the dish): Mmmm!

Sarge: Simmons…You officially are on my 'people to worry 'bout' list. Rank number six on it…

(But while this was going down, somewhere else within the dark alleyways of the ancient port, something of the secretive sort was unfolding…Leaning against a wall, a slender figure adorned in a hooded shroud waits for something…or someone.)

Hooded Figure: Hmm… (Silently taps their foot)

(Suddenly the sound of rather odd footsteps alert the shrouded being to the presence of another…but this does not alarm or frighten them. Within a few seconds, the last footstep is heard from their left side…)

Hooded Figure (holding a slight smirk under their hood; their tone of that of a British woman): Hmm…You're late.

(Standing before the shrouded femme was another hooded figure, though taller and hunched than their counter.)

2nd Figure (lowers their head before the woman; its voice of that a man though deeper): Thousand apologizes…Ms. Valentine. There were a few…problems but nothing serious that couldn't be handled.

Hooded Woman: Please…Call me Ivy.

2nd Figure: Of course, as you wish…Ivy. Have you any good fortune to encounter the fabled student of the acclaimed 'Edge Master' yet?

Ivy: No…However, some pirates I happened to hire came back with some most…curious information.

2nd Figure (Sounding interested): Curious…? How so?

Ivy: Apparently a person I know has some new friends with her…they are heading westward.

2nd Figure: And the reason?

Ivy (smirks a bit more under her hood): Why, the same reason you and I are in this partnership…the destruction of the Cursed Sword and its wielder.

2nd Figure (nods): Aye…Of course.

Ivy: What I was told of them was they are a rather clumsy bunch although they seem to be able to fight…in one way or another. But they shouldn't be too much of a threat…

2nd Figure: Hmm…Most curious…I shall have my agents keep a close eye on these newcomers…Perhaps they know something that we do not…

Ivy: Perhaps…But now I believe this is where we part ways until another time…?

2nd Figure (nods): Indeed…My agents will keep you informed…

Ivy: As expected. (Straightens herself out and gets away from the wall) Before I part, I must ask…What is your name…?

2nd Figure: …I cannot tell you. But perhaps when we meet again, I may share it with you…as well as other things.

Ivy (grins): Heh - I look forward to that day… (Turns around and walks away into the shadows)

2nd Figure (pauses a bit before walking away; speaks quietly to himself): Foolish human witch…Our goals WERE never the same…You may desire the destruction of this Cursed Sword but I… (Pulls out a strange bar-like handle from his cloak before triggering it to reveal a long crimson energy sword) I foresee other uses for it…My agents shall do what is necessary to retrieve it…And with it in hand… Shall come the destruction of this heretic-ridden world… (Chuckles maliciously to himself as he vanishes into the darkness)


End file.
